you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
