We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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