You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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