I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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