he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
