We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
