The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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