sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I could make wine with my vomit
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
