How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need water and some morals
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize