Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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