it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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