I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
