what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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