dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
