I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
