I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize