So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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