if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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