Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
