I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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