It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
