I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
