Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Terrible idea I love it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
