im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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