I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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