Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
