Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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