the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
