Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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