He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
