On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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