I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
