just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you inspire me to be a worse person
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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