I don't think brook has ever known best
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
