I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
