I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
