if i can run in heels then i can drive
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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