you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize