week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
