i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
