she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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