I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
