the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
