Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
