Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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