I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize