2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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