Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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