Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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