You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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