Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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