hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
