Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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