I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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