u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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