He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
