Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
