No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
