Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
