I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
