Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
