We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
