He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
