Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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