so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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