I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
