So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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