At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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