bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
