all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
