hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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