i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
