so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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