Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
