I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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