wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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