a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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