i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
