I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
