everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
