Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
