Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
