we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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