Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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