I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
