AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
