So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
