And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
