apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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