haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
