that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sext me about skeletons
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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