so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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