So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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