he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
