Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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