it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
