I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
