what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I had your ass I would rule the world
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
