They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
