well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
