come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize