You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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