you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
