are you still at the devil's house?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
