bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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